Believe it or not, I’ve never looked at porn. Far from being harmless “adult entertainment”, I believe porn degrades both women and men, and damages relationships and society.
Defenders of porn say that people know the difference between porn and reality. But the unreality of porn is one of the problems. Rather than engaging with the reality of another person, with their own thoughts, feelings and pleasures, porn is a sad retreat into fantasy. Worse, porn conditions us to treat others as simply as “living porn” – as objects to be used for our own sexual gratification.
Porn won’t turn you into an overnight misogynist. But we’re deluding ourselves if we don’t think it has any effect. Our culture is increasingly pornified. We don’t blink as almost-naked women cavort in adverts. Lad’s mags are a normal feature on the shelves of newsagents, offering competitions to win free boob jobs.
But what should we do about it? Try to ban porn? I don’t think that would work, and I don’t think it gets to the heart of the issue. Where there’s demand, there will always be supply. We need self-restraint, not censorship. Men are traditionally seen as the main consumers of porn, though it is becoming increasingly normal for women too. So having men speak out against porn is powerful and important.
This is where a new website, the AntiPornMenProject, comes in. Crucially, it’s a place for men to speak out against porn, arguing from feminist principles. It says, “Pornography is one of the most important social issues that we face in tackling both violence against women and wider gender inequality, as well as an important personal issue in the lives and relationships of many people”.
I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I agree wholeheartedly. But something puzzles me. The site goes on to say that it isn’t against porn for “any conservative or religious sentiments”, and to quickly clarify “we are anti-porn is because we are pro-sex”. I might be reading too much into it, but as a Christian, I found this rather odd. It implies that while feminists have “reasons” for being anti-porn, religious people have “sentiments”. They are also inevitably conservative, and probably anti-sex too.
But such stereotypes are mistaken. I don’t oppose porn because of some arbitrary “Thou Shalt Not”, or right-wing reactionism, but for the same reasons – porn is bad for women, society, sex and relationships. You can be both a feminist and a Christian, and many forms of the two share common ground.
Of course, not all strands of feminism, or flavours of Christianity, are compatible. Porn was a key battleground in the Feminist Sex Wars. The 1980s in particular saw bitter arguments between anti-pornography feminists and “sex-positive” feminists, who argue that porn can be empowering and liberating for women.
But it seems to me – in common with many feminists – that the sexual revolution, far from liberating and empowering women, has made many women far worse off than before. Pro-porn feminism, far from improving sex for women, has made it worse.
Christianity has had a chequered history when it comes to women. But if you go back to Jesus’ life and teachings, you’ll see that he smashed through the gender divide of his day. He was unafraid to spend time with women, and others who were excluded from society – the “sinners”, tax-collectors and prostitutes. St Paul wrote that in Christ, there is neither male nor female – we are all one.
There are differences, of course. Christians are so pro-sex, we think it’s almost sacred, and so should be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. Some Christians, myself included, believe that the Bible teaches masculinity and femininity aren’t just a matter of biology or culture, but spiritual and moral realities. Men and women should be equal in worth, in rights and opportunities, but we should also recognise and celebrate their differences.
Porn isn’t just a feminist issue, or just a religious issue, but an issue for everyone: men and women, liberal and conservative, religious and non-religious. While not everyone can agree and we can’t agree on everything, we can still unite against porn.