I’m going to start putting up a couple of sketches that I’ve written, starting with a one-man sketch on following God that I wrote on the Navigators summer conference. The theme of the week was Come Follow Me, but it also fitted in very well with the theme of Contagious at the end of the summer, Smashing the Idols of the Heart, where I performed it and it went down well. You’re free to use and perform the sketch if you want, but with a couple of conditions – see the Creative Commons License link at the bottom of the page. Here it is!

Who God? Me God?

[Looks up in surprise, listening]

Who, God?
Me, God?
What was that? Serve you, Lord?

[Flicking through diary]
Right, Lord, let me see…
On Tuesday I’ve got some time free
Though only until nine-thirty –
don’t want to miss that film on tv.
And let’s face it, Lord, I’m already
Giving up all of Sunday.
Well, the morning, anyway,
If I don’t have a lie-in.
And it is the day of rest…
So it’s hardly a sin,
Right, Lord?

Pardon, Lord?
I’m not sure I quite caught that…
All, God?! My entire life?
Yes, Lord, I know you said in the Bible
“Give up everything to be your disciple”
But you meant having the right attitude
Not so much a command as a platitude.
And I am willing, Lord… honest.
Just let me have my DVDs – you can have the rest!

Eh? Are you sure?
Give them up?
Oh, c’mon… I only watch a few.
Lord of the Rings, Shrek, Doctor Who
That’s all I watched… – this afternoon.

[Becomes sulky]

You’re just being mean because I like them.
“More than you”?
C’mon now, that’s not true!
I had a great quiet time with you.
All ten minutes of it!
On Sunday…
In January…
Two thousand and, er, two.

[Rumble of thunder – mimes ducking a lightning bolt]

Sorry Lord! Hold back the thunder!
I admit I’ve made a blunder.
But there’s no need to disagree
Let’s work this out between you and me.

[Sits down, businesslike]

I can make a few more changes
But how about in little stages?
I can keep things much the same-
It needn’t be a drain.
[Sudden inspiration!]
I’ll close my eyes in each sex scene
Turn down the volume when there’s some swearing
And for every tenth film I’m buying
I’ll put a quid in the offering.
There – my Christian service done and dusted!

[Walks off, satisfied, before pausing and wheeling round, aghast]

What, Lord, you want MORE?
This is getting quite a bore…
What’s wrong with a few minutes R’n’R?
[Becomes more and more ugly as his selfishishness shows through]
A few hours? A few days?
I’m only looking after Number One!

[Heavy pause]

What’s that? In your word…? [Picks up his Bible]
“The Lord our God, the Lord is one”
[Nervously] Ah, well, let’s not take these things out of context-
Look at Luke? If you say so…
“Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple”

[Long pause, and realization dawns]

Ah.

[Change of tone – now respectful, calm]

Okay, God, now I see
The problem isn’t any DVD, but with me.
Because I keep on holding on,
I’m not making you number one – as you should be.
Help me God in letting go, so I’ll be free.
I’ll now start serving-
Starting by turning off my tv! [mimes doing so]

By Caleb Woodbridge

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 England & Wales License.